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Associated Press

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – A recent surge in money changing hands and local hotel occupancy rates soaring can be attributed to Caesar’s Palace releasing it’s much anticipated NYTEX Bronze League summer book. Even the run of sold out Celine Dion shows came to a crashing halt as crowds chose to be on hand for the event that unfortunately coincided with the casinos Celine concert prompting a bitter Dion triad directed at a sparsely attended crowd ‘ I am zee best singer in zee world aye, this iz out wageous ‘ , then burst into a tearful rendition of My Heart Will Go On. Meanwhile at the sports book the masses were rewarded with Caesar’s expert odds making team rolling out the results igniting a frenzy of betting activity. While Caesars does not officially comment on their book making process, a employee associated with the odds setting agreed to comment off the record despite a better than zero chance risk of being fitted for cement shoes and a swim in nearby Lake Mead.

NYTEX Bronze League pre-season odds

2-1
Senators
Speed Kills. Word on the street is this team has been taking performance enhancing drugs. Team Captain Jamie Welton recovered from a horrific injury in record time thanks to a rare new (and possibly not yet legal) laser treatment. Rumors are swelling that the rest of the team is receiving Cheetah Blood injections in their legs on game days.

3-1
MIB, Stingers, Indians
A former Euless DPSC keg winner coming to NYTEX intact with the Bees shedding talent to Silver = seamless transition to the top for the new kids on the block? Don’t underestimate the ability of the Stingers and Indians to draw from their Silver brethren to smelter Bronze and Sliver into some league winning jewelry. Of note the odds on the Indians were 1-1 if the kids showed up, 50-1 if the parents showed. They settled on the current odds figuring a mix of the two scenarios….

5-1
Bandits, Whalers
Whalers all grew playoff beards last season which is a sign of solidarity narely seen in the Bronze League. That kind of teamwork will only help them keep the momentum going into the summer session though won’t win them any sponsorships from Norelco. Bandits have a skull on their jersey which will no doubt intimidate someone but the Bandits will need to….wait for it…wait for it…STEAL and ROB a few games along the way to win it all….ROCK ME!

8-1
Puddle Jumpers, Spider Monkeys, Rampage, Jets
A team of pilots is subject to schedules so who knows who will show any given game. Can they control all the air traffic in front of their own net is the big question. The Monkeys improved through last season and big Tony D. returns his full team, that and a expansion team added to NYTEX should translate to a couple of extra wins. J..E..T..jets jets jets…can you also spell LONGSHOT, Jets have lately been losing a step, so perhaps if they changed their name to the Wagons it would be more appropriate. Even Broadway Joe wouldn’t go out on a limb and predict an upset championship win for these Jets. Rampage have new jerseys, so that has to be worth something although the move alienated many hardcore fans who purchased the official winter 2010 season replica jersey.

12-1
Severe Icing
It’s going to take more than a sophomore season to move up but they do have a long shot of making someone a nice payday at the cashier, or a SEVERE loss.

20-1
Average Joes
Joe Smoes, sorry boys, you’ll be below average, way below average till proven otherwise…Your newest NYTEX expansion team, good luck and if you win it all, It will certainly trigger a Justice Department investigation into mob involvement at the rink.


Book your flight to Vegas or support your local bookie accordingly! Who’s the smart money on….you be the judge.