Sunday Night Hockey Volume 2

Spider Monkeys vs the Tribe this Sunday in Volume 2 of the new Sunday Night Hockey Series. Keller has been solid for a long time now, and are always at the top of the standings. The Monkeys are fresh off an overtime win over the reigning champion Killer Bees, so expect a good one here.

The Spider Monkeys have been at the bottom of the standings for a long time, however last season they did log a playoff win, and they have already knocked off the mighty Bees this season. The team is under new management as of last season, and really showing signs of life.

The Tribe is a staple in the Bronze League, always solid, always a winning organization, and always difficult to beat. Netminder Kacy the Birdman Bird has had time to figure things out back in net, and is turning into one of the best goalies in the league.

I think the overtime madness continues and this one goes all the way to a shoot out with the Monkeys coming out on top.

Spot Light On....Kevin Beam

A Texan coaching Ice Hockey! Why, that’s pretending to be something you aint, as the BBQ boys would say “That’s like taking a brisket from Texas and putting a sauce on it from New York City, that’s just all kinds of wrong”. Nevertheless, Spot Light on introduces you to a familiar face at the rink. When he’s not behind the desk answering your lame questions, he’s coaching hockey talent (Jr. Brahmas) and not so much talent (Bronze League Severe Icing). Hell, if he hasn’t been in net for or against you, he soon will be as he’s the default goalie of choice for any no-show net minders……..Spot Light On shines on NYTEX’s own Kevin Beam.


Hometown?
NR Hills

Hockey Experience?
hockey? that's what goes on tween the volleyball and the indoor soccer, right?

Past/Present teams?
Every team that has past through here has used my subbing duties at some point.
(Wildfong hasn"t called me yet, though. Guess I need to go Tonya Harding on
Jaeg's knees and maybe Fonger will get me action in the pipes verses the
Mudbugs)
Hobbies?
Virtualy no time for any. Got 4 kids and I'm the sole person in the family with
a drivers license. The kids are my hobby. We do love to watch NASCAR together.
Go Kenseth!
Drivers I hate: 24, 29, 48, and 88 ( I hate the fans of the 88 more than the
driver though).
And dont give me the "If I wanted to watch cars go around in circles, I'd throw
Hot Wheels in the toilet and flush" line.
However, if you do piss off a mob of Nascar fans and find yourself being chased
by the them; right before they close in on you, take a sudden RIGHT turn.

Pre Game Ritual?
When I play net I like to 'mark my territory'. So I do my business in the
crease before the game. "Look ma! Yellow and blue make green!"
Now that you all know this, maybe you will think twice before crashing my net.
This also helps in the locker room. Teamates give me plenty of space to dress.

Hockey Hero?
1a) Herb Brooks
1b) The entire 1980 'Miracle On Ice' team
1c) My boy Kolby who will be playing for his 2nd Select Jr. Brahma team (Bantam)

Hockey Nemesis?
1a) Anyone calling themself a hockey player that still has ALL their teeth.
1b) Gold and Silver level goalies playing for a BRONZE team.
1c) any player named Knute

If you could be granted one super power...?
Did you see Mystery Men? I really envied what the Paul Ruben's character
brought to the table.

Seriously, though, I wish I could heal. I lost my youngest to Muscular
Dystrophy in Dec. 08. It hurts to see your child suffer.
Sorry to switch gears on you. Now back to the program....

Ginger or Mary Anne?
The Professor......no.......wait!

Message to the NYTEX Community...
Since hockey means a bunch of transplanted northeners like to visit the building
I have a few rules for you yankees
1) don't order a 'soda' or a 'pop'. Down here it's Coke even if you want a
Pepsi
2) No! The state symbol is NOT the orange and white street barrels. The road
construction pisses us off too
3) Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed how to use it later
4) If you run your car into a ditch in a rain or ice storm, stay put. 4 dudes in
a pickup w/ a 12 pack and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help
them. Stay in the car. This is what they live for.
5) The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer valid.
6) If it can't be cooked in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking.
and finally) The "he needed killin" defense is a valid one

I will end this feature poking fun of my fellow rednecks:
A redneck couple w/ 9 kids is watching the news and is alarmed by a report.
They go to the clinic the next day to get him 'fixed' (OUCH!)
Dr. says "Why after 9 kids are you giving it up?"
"Well," dad says "we saw a stat on the news that says one out of every 9 babies
born in America is Mexican. We just can't take the chance of having another
because neither of us knows spanish."

Sunday Night Hockey

The opening week of the Summer Bronze season will feature the debut of Sunday Night Hockey brought to you by Tuck's Lawn Care and Brewery. The first Tuck's Sunday Night Game will feature a newly revamped Sens team going up against the most penalized team in the league last season, the Puddle Jumpers.

Jumpers are under new management as Bill Ivey has taken over the reigns. Jumpers are a team that should win more games this session. They have a full season under their belts, and are looking to start challenging for the Keg soon.

Senators have made several off season moves that are either going to take them over the edge and bring them their first Keg or drop them backwards and dump them back down to the bottom of the league. Veteran blue liner Fred Walters has moved over to the Bandits and Veteran Senators forward Tim Russell has joined the newly reformed Stingers. Last seasons team coordinator Tony Rice is taking the summer off to spend some time with potential russian brides in Vladivostok Russia.

I predict Sens will win this one 5-3. 20 minutes in penalties, and Ivey will yell for someone to "Get on the Boards."

Bronze League Division Realignments

Average Joes have moved over to the Texan Division and MIB has moved over to the Ranger Division.

This should balance out the two divisions a little better.

Introducing the Ranger Division (BRONZE)

Introducing the Texan Division (BRONZE)

The Stanley Keg Turns 10

Well actually the Stanley Keg isn't ten years old, but at the end of the summer session it will have its tenth name etched on it.

Today I thought it would be good to have a little history lesson on the Stanley Keg since its NHL counterpart could be skated tonight if the Hawks can beat the Fliers.

The Stanley Keg came to Nytex from Duke's Roadhouse in Bedford. Duke's had the contract to run the concessions first season the Brahmas played at Nytex (2007-2008). Stingers who came over to Nytex from Euless became the first team to etch their name on the Keg. Over the next four seasons the Bees would find their name on the Keg two more times.

The Keller Indians put their name on the Keg for the first time in season four of the Stanley Keg era. They would go on to etch their name one more time two seasons later. The Arc Angels found their way on the keg in season two, and then five seasons later the Ice Kings had their name etched on the Keg. The Ice Kings were essentially a revamped Arc Angels squad. The last two seasons of Bronze League play the Bees have taken the Keg giving them a record setting five total Keg victories.

Two seasons back Moonlight Signworks repainted the keg bronze to fit in with the Bronze League. A new puck was added to the top of the keg, and new name plates were put on as well. Currently the Keg sits behind the skate rental counter at the Nytex Sports Centre. Keg winners do have the right to take the Keg and party with it until the next seasons playoffs begin. Stingers have just won it so many times that the honeymoon is over I guess.

Complete History of Keg winners.

Stingers

Arc Angels

Stingers

Indians

Stingers

Indians

Ice Kings

Stingers

Stingers

There is one team that won the Keg whose name is not on it. The Dallas Lady Stars won the keg a couple years back, but their name was not etched on it for non payment of league fees, and a roster that was a fustercluck. There was no playoff system in place when they won it, and there was no policing of rosters. Essentially the lady stars brought out whoever they wanted, and dominated a polluted league that included four teams from the Parks Mall who were not even eligible to compete for the Keg. That was the * season.

Now we shall see who wins the Keg in the summer. Two new teams in the league, plus a revamped Stingers team that will most likely be missing their heavy hitters like Steve Meek and the Briscoe Kid.

Place your bets

Associated Press

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – A recent surge in money changing hands and local hotel occupancy rates soaring can be attributed to Caesar’s Palace releasing it’s much anticipated NYTEX Bronze League summer book. Even the run of sold out Celine Dion shows came to a crashing halt as crowds chose to be on hand for the event that unfortunately coincided with the casinos Celine concert prompting a bitter Dion triad directed at a sparsely attended crowd ‘ I am zee best singer in zee world aye, this iz out wageous ‘ , then burst into a tearful rendition of My Heart Will Go On. Meanwhile at the sports book the masses were rewarded with Caesar’s expert odds making team rolling out the results igniting a frenzy of betting activity. While Caesars does not officially comment on their book making process, a employee associated with the odds setting agreed to comment off the record despite a better than zero chance risk of being fitted for cement shoes and a swim in nearby Lake Mead.

NYTEX Bronze League pre-season odds

2-1
Senators
Speed Kills. Word on the street is this team has been taking performance enhancing drugs. Team Captain Jamie Welton recovered from a horrific injury in record time thanks to a rare new (and possibly not yet legal) laser treatment. Rumors are swelling that the rest of the team is receiving Cheetah Blood injections in their legs on game days.

3-1
MIB, Stingers, Indians
A former Euless DPSC keg winner coming to NYTEX intact with the Bees shedding talent to Silver = seamless transition to the top for the new kids on the block? Don’t underestimate the ability of the Stingers and Indians to draw from their Silver brethren to smelter Bronze and Sliver into some league winning jewelry. Of note the odds on the Indians were 1-1 if the kids showed up, 50-1 if the parents showed. They settled on the current odds figuring a mix of the two scenarios….

5-1
Bandits, Whalers
Whalers all grew playoff beards last season which is a sign of solidarity narely seen in the Bronze League. That kind of teamwork will only help them keep the momentum going into the summer session though won’t win them any sponsorships from Norelco. Bandits have a skull on their jersey which will no doubt intimidate someone but the Bandits will need to….wait for it…wait for it…STEAL and ROB a few games along the way to win it all….ROCK ME!

8-1
Puddle Jumpers, Spider Monkeys, Rampage, Jets
A team of pilots is subject to schedules so who knows who will show any given game. Can they control all the air traffic in front of their own net is the big question. The Monkeys improved through last season and big Tony D. returns his full team, that and a expansion team added to NYTEX should translate to a couple of extra wins. J..E..T..jets jets jets…can you also spell LONGSHOT, Jets have lately been losing a step, so perhaps if they changed their name to the Wagons it would be more appropriate. Even Broadway Joe wouldn’t go out on a limb and predict an upset championship win for these Jets. Rampage have new jerseys, so that has to be worth something although the move alienated many hardcore fans who purchased the official winter 2010 season replica jersey.

12-1
Severe Icing
It’s going to take more than a sophomore season to move up but they do have a long shot of making someone a nice payday at the cashier, or a SEVERE loss.

20-1
Average Joes
Joe Smoes, sorry boys, you’ll be below average, way below average till proven otherwise…Your newest NYTEX expansion team, good luck and if you win it all, It will certainly trigger a Justice Department investigation into mob involvement at the rink.


Book your flight to Vegas or support your local bookie accordingly! Who’s the smart money on….you be the judge.

Stingers win the Bronze League

The Stingers took their second consecutive Keg over the weekend beating the Senators and Whalers en route to their league record fifth Stanley Keg Championship. The Stingers have been nearly unbeatable over the past two seasons, however good news for those of you who have been crying for them to move up.

This summer the Stingers will have a Bronze League team led by the Original Bee himself, Dan Fenili, and a Silver league team led by #27 Steve Meek. Congrats Stingers, you are the first team to successfully defend the Keg in the modern playoff era of the Stanley Keg Championships.

Final Four Games

This weekend NYTEX will award the Stanley Keg, who will be on top to accept it?

Of the four remaining teams the first two to sqaure of was the Bandits and the Whalers.

The Bandits jumped out to an early two goal lead and looked to be on the way to a birth in the finals.

The Whaler's had a different idea, buckled down and stretched the Bandits out and scored three unanswered goals to win the game in the third.

The second game was between the much hated Stingers and the much improved Senators.

The first period was scoreless for the biggest part as these two teams were feeling each other out. The Stingers broke the deadlock and finally got a goal. They put up a couple more before the Sens broke the goose egg and got on the board. The start of the third started out all Sneators, they got a couple quick goals on defensive breakdowns and made it a close game.

The Stingrs got a seeing eye shot past Greg Perry to put the game away late.

So, it will be the Whalers vs. the Stingers for this year's keg.

The Whalers I believe are the only team to have beaten the Bees in the regular season, so this game should be interesting.

Come to the rink to cheer, or boo your favorite team to love/hate. Then join up at Zuroma's for good food, drink and company!

See you at the rink!